Observing conflict can make it easy for you to pick their pattern

Is conflict on today's agenda?

Here, Emeritus Professor Ridley Kive™ has delved into the R. Kive™s and compares your bedrock principles with how you go when angrily locking horns. **** This page is all about CONFLICT ****
Our Titanium Imposition™ is used after you have worked out the other person's Disc.
Kive™ shows how, as the imposer, you can De Esteem™ each behaviour type (per Table 1) below by doing the opposite and how you will go if you have been De Esteemed™ - finding yourself in a position of situational low self-esteem.

Clients and advanced users know that one of the best ways to pick someone's pattern is when someone is applying pressure or is under it.

You will most likely need assistance :-) This might tell you what but it will not tell you how.
Contact us for an obligation free quote.

Conducted and Composed by Emeritus Professor Ridley Kive™ - Last Update 3 April, 2019


Self-Image: The conception that one has of oneself, including an assessment of qualities and personal worth.

Self-Esteem: A feeling of pride in yourself.

Self-Respect: A proper sense of one's own dignity and integrity.

Self-Confidence: A confidence in one's own powers, judgment, etc.

Situational low self-esteem: A nursing diagnosis, accepted by the North American Nursing Diagnosis Association, defined as "a negative perception of self-worth in response to a current situation".

Think of being humiliated or being made to look silly or feeling you are a 'Non-Person™' (having been De Esteemed™) because of differing beliefs. These include sex, politics, religion, sporting teams followed, hobbies and interests, fashion sense, vacation preferences and so forth. Included also is the situation when even if all you have is no interest whatsoever in the subject at hand. Issues over the circumstance partially or totally destroys the association with another party when 'agreeing to disagree' would preserve it.

De Esteeming™ is frequently a method of operation of the Idealists grouping - Promoter, Persuader, Agent and Investigator. Group A1 below. When you disagree with them.

It would appear that the groups align politically as follows:
Artisan: Communist - but only in the real sense of pure Communism where there isn’t even any government to enforce it.
Guardian: Conservative - typically have the principles of community, family, duty and honour.
Idealist: Liberal - that everyone should be equal in every regard. That life is fair, when clearly it is not.
Rational: Libertarian - principles are only what can be logically concluded and articulated. Skeptical.

Research indicates that Persuaders and Promoters are very hard to beat in conflict. Perfectionists tend to be the most difficult if in the role of the customer.

The following table shows how each behaviour pattern's self-image is based.

SELF-IMAGE
Artisan
Guardian
Idealist
Rational
Pattern
3 Results
1 Director
5 Persuader
2 Developer
Pattern
12 Achiever
14 Objective Thinker
10 Investigator
16 Enhancer
Pattern
8 Counselor
6 Appraiser
7 Promoter
4 Inspirational
Pattern
9 Specialist
13 Practitioner
11 Agent
15 Perfectionist
Self-Esteem
Artistic
Dependable
Empathetic
Ingenious
Self-Respect
Audacious
Beneficent / do good
Benevolent
Autonomous
Self-Confidence
Adaptable
Respectable
Authentic
Resolute

The following table shows the four temperaments based on observation of others actions.
[A1] Cooperative tools trying to get what they want by getting along with others and use abstract words.
[A2] Cooperative tools trying to get what they want by getting along with others and use concrete words.
[B1] Utilitarian tools trying to get what they want in the most effective way possible; tools that promise success with minimum cost and effort whether or not they observe social rules and use abstract words.
[B2] Utilitarian tools trying to get what they want in the most effective way possible; tools that promise success with minimum cost and effort whether or not they observe social rules and use concrete words.

TEMPERAMENTS
Abstract Word Usage
Concrete Word Usage
Cooperative Tool Usage
5 Persuader [Idealist] [A1]
1 Director [Guardian] [A2]
Cooperative Tool Usage
10 Investigator [Idealist] [A1]
14 Objective Thinker [Guardian] [A2]
Cooperative Tool Usage
7 Promoter [Idealist] [A1]
6 Appraiser [Guardian] [A2]
Cooperative Tool Usage
11 Agent [Idealist] [A1]
13 Practitioner [Guardian] [A2]
Utilitarian Tool Usage
2 Developer [Rational] [B1]
3 Results [Artisan] [B2]
Utilitarian Tool Usage
16 Enhancer [Rational] [B1]
12 Achiever [Artisan] [B2]
Utilitarian Tool Usage
4 Inspirational [Rational] [B1]
8 Counselor [Artisan] [B2]
Utilitarian Tool Usage
15 Perfectionist [Rational] [B1]
9 Specialist [Artisan] [B2]

Clients are advised that the four temperaments - Idealist, Guardian, Rational and Artisan have been identified since Plato (ca. 340 B.C.) and any debates as to these classifications should be directed to him.


Basic Dos in conflict: Always use ‘I statements'; Set aside a time and place to discuss the issue; Use the person’s name or their title if appropriate; Acknowledge the person’s emotions and feelings.
Basic Do Nots in conflict: Do not interrupt when the other person is talking, even if you think they are wrong; Do not leave the discussion without agreeing on a plan to move forward; Do not do something else, such as look at your phone or fidget, while the other person is talking; Do not use humour or make light of the situation.

The following table shows how you approach conflict!!

PATTERN
Accommodating
(Unassertive)
(Cooperative)
Collaborating
(Assertive)
(Cooperative)
Compromising
(Mid of Assertive
& Cooperative)
Avoiding
(Unassertive)
(Uncooperative)
Competing
(Assertive)
(Uncooperative)
1 Director - ESTJ
Yes
2 Developer - ENTJ
Possibly
Yes
3 Results - ESTP
Yes
Possibly
4 Inspirational - ENTP
Yes
5 Persuader - ENFJ
Alternate
Alternate
6 Appraiser - ESFJ
Alternate
Alternate
7 Promoter - ENFP
Yes
8 Counselor - ESFP
Alternate
Alternate
9 Specialist - ISFP
Yes
Yes
Alternate
10 Investigator - INFJ
Yes
Yes
Alternate
11 Agent - INFP
Alternate
Alternate
12 Achiever - ISTP
Alternate
Alternate
13 Practitioner - ISFJ
Alternate
Alternate
14 Objective Thinker - ISTJ
Yes
Yes
Alternate
15 Perfectionist - INTP
Alternate
Alternate
16 Enhancer - INTJ
Yes
Yes
Alternate

1. Can it be the Director - ESTJ?

The Director is the Border Collie

George W Bush

When you lock horns: When someone is making mindless mistakes at work.
When you do not lock horns: When someone disagrees with you socially.
Fight style: Head on.

Overview: The Director is practical, realistic and decisive and will be forceful in their handling of conflict.

Bedrock Principles: Directors are perhaps the most outcome-driven of all types. They want to understand the objective, what their resources are that they can draw on and who they will work with to achieve the objective. They want to take over.

Approach: The Director's classic "my way or the highway" approach also applies to conflict. It is not that they do not want to listen to others, but are concerned with efficiency and disagreements take time to settle. They often think there needs to be one leader who makes the call (the Director!). This mentality often works when decisions need to be made very fast, but that is not all decisions, so care has to be exercised so as not to run roughshod over others’ thoughts and feelings. What is less efficient than arguments? Employees, children or others who do not want to follow your lead because they do not feel seen, heard, or appreciated.

Horn Locker™: Directors can rise to high positions in organisations because of their ability to achieve outcomes within the framework of organisational constraints — they deliver ahead of time and under budget. They can clash with 'feeling' types - Agent, Promoter, Investigator, Persuader, Specialist, Counselor, Appraiser and Practitioner because they tend to believe that outcomes are more important than individuals. They may have difficulty finding innovative solutions that say an Inspirational might find, or implementing them, preferring to time test ways of doing things. Directors may frustrate forward facing types like the Persuader or Promoter because the big picture or overall view is often not important to them.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Ambiguity.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Inefficiency.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek resolution; sort it out; focus on both the present and future; concern primarily with the output from, or outcome of, the situation; satisfied once the conflict is over. Assertive, likely competitive. Seeks closure.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: What is the conflict is about – the facts; enforce opinions and principles; analysing and tolerating differences (sometimes); succinct delivery when addressing conflict – concern for persuasive data; maintains a firm position in attempting to resolve the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
'All or Nothing' Thinking: This is a form of reductive thinking that oversimplifies an issue so as to to avoid thinking more deeply about it. It is accompanied by a refusal to consider other perspectives, alternatives, or not so obvious factors that are nonetheless relevant to understanding the situation fully and accurately. e.g. "I mucked up one question in the interview. The whole thing was 'horrible' and a 'thorough waste of time'. (*scoffs*) I’m not sad, that’s ridiculous."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Spend time by yourself to just breathe and reflect. Speak to a trusted friend.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Director.
Impatiently barks orders at others and shames them for their way of doing things.
Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Director.
Consider how their reaction to a stressful situation may impact their relationship with those around them and come up with a more effective measure of communicating when under stress.

To make the Director De Esteemed™: Attack dependability, Attack doing good, Attack respectability. Start with:"You cannot handle responsibility".
The Director's De Esteem™ Reaction: Conducts active and targeted revenge then blocks the attacker, never to communicate again.

R. Kive's Moniker™: The Archdeacon of High Handedness and Implementing™


2. Can it be the Developer - ENTJ?

The Developer is the German Shepherd

Steve Jobs

When you lock horns: When you will argue until you “win”.
When you do not lock horns: When something is irrelevant.
Fight style: Emphatic.

Overview: The Developer is decisive and quick to assume the leadership role in a conflict. They will want the facts and then make a quick decision.

Bedrock Principles: Developers are the type that always leads, but are rarely leaders in the sense of popular political leaders, loved by the masses. They have a natural ability at strategy and aggression.

Approach: Developers are the bully boy commanders and are convinced they know what is right for a relationship, company, team or project. They want to dive in, map out the big picture and forge ahead but often brew conflict in their wake as they seemingly ignore other people's ideas. Since they think they are correct, arguments make the Developer impatient. But it is crucial that the Developer listens. This is often not the case. Despite theie skills, occasionally everyone has a blind spot—and not every problem has one objective best answer. Developers will make fewer mistakes if they listen to feedback and debate ideas everyone is not in agreement on. Their team will be more willing to follow if their leader is truly considerate. That's the theory, rarely practiced.

Horn Locker™more important than anything else and frequently clash with almost everyone in the organisation. Often chosen w: Developers always attempt to lead groups through formal or informal authority. They see the end objective as hen outcomes are critical. The people who want outcomes ally with them. Often Directors are loathed with passion.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Complaining.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Laziness.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek resolution; sort it out; focus on the present and future; concern primarily with the output from, or outcome of, the situation; satisfied once the conflict is over. Assertive, likely competitive, but possibly willing to collaborate. Seeks closure.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: What is the conflict is about – the facts; enforce opinions and principles; analysing and tolerating differences (sometimes); succinct delivery (does not waste words) when addressing conflict – concern for persuasive data; maintains a firm position in attempting to resolve the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Isolation: Separation of unpleasant or stressful emotion from conscious thoughts. e.g. "I am frustrated at work but I detach emotionally to maintain my decorum."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Get out of current location / environment. Speak to a trusted friend.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Developer.
Turns cold and calculating, then takes down the opposing party’s argument with a single well-timed phrase or action that gets the Developer their way.
Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Developer.
Withdraw to process their feelings on the conflict rather than immediately strategising a way to ‘win’ it.

To make the Developer De Esteemed™: Attack ingenuity, Attack autonomous outlook, Attack resoluteness. Start with:"You are not capable".
The Developer's De Esteem™ Reaction: Tells the attacker to 'p**s off' or bullies or marginalizes or demotes or pushes others sideways and inflames the whole disagreement.

R. Kive's Moniker™: The Archdeacon of Conflict Creation and Exploiting™


3. Can it be the Results - ESTP?

The Results is the Jack Russell Terrier

Donald Trump

When you lock horns: Casual debates or when someone wounds your pride.
When you do not lock horns: When you are tuned out.
Fight style: Blunt.

Overview: The Results is far too energetic and busy to let someone else sort out conflict. They will do it themselves but facts will bore them.

Bedrock Principles: The Results folk have a natural ability to act according to the situation on the ground. They move effectively and decisively in the moment.

Approach: Results are very good at deflecting emotions and “fixing” conflicts in a hurry. Also are great at de-escalating a heated situation and bring this skill into both the personal and work environment. More personal, romantic conflict that trips the most. Results do not like when people close are upset and try to avoid this at all costs. Reluctant to show this when upset, lest this will upset a partner. However often harmony is mistaken for happiness. Just because there is no fight does not mean a relationship is in a good place. Work on voicing frustrations soon after they are felt; do not let them eat away. Similarly, Results should listen without trying to instantly fix when a partner expresses unmet needs. Conflict is not always a commentary on the quality of a relationship.

Horn Locker™: Results folk have few natural enemies in an organisation. They are appealing in a fresh, innocent way and have the ability to gauge the crowd. They are excellent communicators and often find themselves in the role of the spokesperson. They look for the shortest line between two points and dislike complicating anything that could be easy. They do have conflict with types more attracted to complexity such as the Enhancer, Perfectionist, Developer and Persuader. They grow impatient with long-term strategy or complex position papers.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Inaction.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Snail's pace.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek clarification; work it through; focus on the present; concern primarily with the input of the participants; satisfied once the conflict is being addressed. Assertive, probably collaborative. Seeks progress.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: What is the conflict is about – the facts; enforce opinions and principles; analysing and tolerating differences (sometimes); succinct delivery (does not waste words) when addressing conflict – concern for persuasive data; maintains a firm position in attempting to resolve the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Rationalisation: Making excuses for (bad) behaviour. e.g. "Excuses? No, it’s not my fault, really. It’s just how it was supposed to be."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Spend time by yourself. Speak to a trusted friend as long as they do not become emotional.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Results.
Feels an intense physical reaction and lets it out by confronting others and/or punching/smashing an inanimate object.
Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Results.
Find a constructive release for their physical energy (e.g. exercising or meditating) so that they can take a step back from their anger and focus on the problem itself.

To make the Results Person De Esteemed™: Attack their artistic side, Attack the audaciousness, Attack adaptability. Start with:"You are unlovable".
The Results Person De Esteem™ Reaction: Takes on the attacker - crushes and humiliates.

R. Kive's Moniker™: The Archdeacon of Domineering and Selling™


4. Can it be the Inspirational - ENTP?

The Inspirational is the Bull Terrier

Henry Kissinger

When you lock horns: To test a theory or when you do not care about the outcome.
When you do not lock horns: When feelings are involved.
Fight style: Debate.

Overview: The Inspirational is extremely good at finding ingenuous solutions to conflict but they want to solve it quickly.

Bedrock Principles: Inspirationals use their extroverted intuition to size up situations and are usually confident of their course of action. They are technically oriented and verbally skilled. They are one of the least conflict averse types.

Approach: Debating is the Inspirational's bread and butter. While never shying away from conflict, they often simply stir the pot to test ideas instead of laying out the framework of their own personally held beliefs. Arguments are tedious. Over time, they can start to detach from a relationship when they are spending all of their time adapting to their friend's or partner’s needs instead of stating what they would rather see happen. Inspirationals should start being more true to their feelings early on in relationships. Inspirationals are quite diplomatic in conflict, able to balance logic and emotion as well as any type. Relationships would benefit from engaging in a little healthy disagreement!

Horn Locker™: Inspirationals excel in organisations and as entrepreneurs. They are all about skills, expertise and they have a very advanced ability to communicate. They lead with extroverted intuition, moving in what seems to be several different directions at the same time. They dazzle many while, at the same time, confuse many others who get mental whiplash watching the Inspirational's rapid changes in direction. The Inspirational's ability to communicate and solve issues is impressive. They can and do clash with most types who want to follow a steady course as opposed to in-the-moment decisions and direction changes. Their confidence is admired and often justified, yet they clash when they come over as arrogant and all-knowing, which is nearly all the time.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Routine.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Poor decision-making.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek clarification; work it through; focus on the present; concern primarily with the input of the participants; satisfied once the conflict is being addressed. Assertive, most likely collaborative. Seeks progress and understanding.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: What is the conflict is about – the facts; enforce opinions and principles; analysing and tolerating differences (sometimes); succinct delivery (does not waste words) when addressing conflict – concern for persuasive data; maintains a firm position in attempting to resolve the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Compensation: A means of balancing out one’s shortcomings with excellence in another that includes exaggerating one’s importance, achievements or positive qualities in order to avoid confronting criticism for negative qualities. e.g. "Although there are rumours about the solidarity of my marriage, I'll be interviewed by a journalist on the strength of it and debate the issue."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Get away from everything. Speak to a trusted friend / family member.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Inspirational.
Attacks the other person’s deepest weaknesses and insecurities, either through a series of subtle insults or all at once in a fit of blind rage.
Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Inspirational.
Consider what role they played in the situation and then explain their point of view to the opposing party and ask for theirs.

To make the Inspirational De Esteemed™: Attack ingenuity, Attack autonomous outlook, Attack resoluteness. Start with:"You are not interesting".
The Inspirational's De Esteem™ Reaction: Actively debates the issue even if it is purely for the sake of having the debate.

R. Kive's Moniker™: The Archdeacon of Debating and Discussing™


5. Can it be the Persuader - ENFJ?

The Persuader is the Boxer

Nelson Mandela

When you lock horns: Rarely. You vent to others instead of the source.
When you do not lock horns: You mediate and soothe, mostly.
Fight style: Door slam.

Overview: The Persuader is very attuned to others’ needs so may avoid conflict to help others reach their potential.

Bedrock Principles: The Persuader is one of the types most attuned to people and groups. As moderators, facilitators and trainers, the Persuader has a finely tuned ‘sixth sense’ of the motivations and concerns of a group.

Approach: Persuaders are the mediators. They are an excellent communicator and great at resolving conflict between others. A great listener and deals well with emotions which makes them so great at relationship-building. Their Achilles heel is interpreting personal criticism as valid or not. They can sometimes get defensive, but often fail to stand up for themselves when they should, especially if someone’s argument sounds very logical. They should trust their ability to analyse and come to the right conclusion when it feels like a personal indictment. It may or may not be true, but do not internalise all the negative instantly. They are self-critical and should be critical of others as well.

Horn Locker™: Persuaders have the best skills to interrelate both to individuals and groups. People most often feel that the Persuader understands them at a deep level and it is often true that the Persuader has an amazing ability to understand others. Persuaders can be frustrating to Enhancers, Developers, Inspirationals and Perfectionists together with Practitioners, Appraisers, Objective Thinkers and Directors in situations of conflict. This is because not only is the Persuader conflict averse, they often believe that conflict in and of itself is inappropriate and ineffective. When in charge, they can have a great sense of the appropriateness of their role and status and may find it difficult to share the limelight and decision making with others. If everyone likes them, they must be right.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Impersonal Reasoning.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Inconsistency.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek resolution; sort it out; focus on the present and future; concern primarily with the output from or outcome of the situation; satisfied once the conflict is over. Collaborative or compromising. Seeks to maintain relationships.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: Who is involved – the people; needs and values; accepting and appreciating differences (sometimes); tactful delivery when addressing conflict – concern about the impact on others; Ensuring that there is give and take in resolving the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Identification: Mirroring the characteristics of others as a means of gaining social acceptance or avoid social punishment. e.g. "I've just bought a new Mercedes - many commented on it down at the club."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Spend time with people you trust. Change of scenery. Upbeat music.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Persuader.
If slightly angered, retreats to analyse the situation. If greatly angered, attacks the opposing party with cruel personal truths.
Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Persuader.
Recognise the subjective nature of their anger and keep an open mind to the opposite party’s point of view while discussing the issue.

To make the Persuader De Esteemed™: Attack empathy, Attack benevolence, Attack authenticity. Start with:"You are ordinary in every way".
The Persuader's De Esteem™ Reaction: Actively and resolutely continues to promote, for example, the social justice warrior outlook without any respect or consideration of alternate views.

R. Kive's Moniker™: The Archdeacon of Liking to be Liked and Influencing™


6. Can it be the Appraiser - ESFJ

The Appraiser is the Great Dane

Reginald Dwight (Sir Elton John)

When you lock horns: When you feel like others are being purposely difficult.
When you do not lock horns: When you feel like it does not matter.
Fight style: Contentious; petty.

Overview: The Appraiser is warm-hearted and very cooperative. They will want to maintain good relations after the conflict is resolved.

Bedrock Principles: Appraisers have the remarkable ability to manage and guide teams. They are highly organised and see disorganisation as a personal failure, although they are often patient and are skilled at picking up the pieces for things that did not get done.

Approach: The Appraiser's knee-jerk reaction to conflict is "I can fix it" and can. They are excellent at making others feel better and always know exactly what to say. Their greatest obstacle will be challenging their own instinctual reaction to put a band-aid on someone’s feelings and come to a compromise, instead of immediately folding because you hate ruffled feathers. Needs to work on articulating true opinion after someone expresses a frustration so resentment does not build up when the Appraiser's voice goes unheard.

Horn Locker™: Appraisers have some of the best interpersonal skills of all personality types, are conflict averse and most always find themselves skillfully and diplomatically managing the needs of groups. Their abilities can become their disabilities in that they may place a critical problem on hold because they do not feel they have the authority to find unauthorised solutions. They often feel that their role is to work within a defined framework with an assigned set of duties and may not feel that understanding how the larger organisation works is important.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Emotional Unavailability.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Arguing for no reason.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek resolution; sort it out; focus on the present and future; concern primarily with the output from or outcome of the situation; satisfied once the conflict is over. Collaborative or compromising. Seeks to maintain relationships and interpersonal dynamics.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: Who is involved – the people; needs and values; accepting and appreciating differences (sometimes); tactful delivery when addressing conflict – concern about the impact on others; Ensuring thatthere is give and take in resolving the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Projection: Attributing one’s undesirable characteristics, weaknesses, thoughts, feelings or impulses to another person who does not factually suffer them. e.g. "Why are you looking at me like that? Don't you like this outfit?" [Outfit cost too much and you think it looks bad on you.]

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Change of scenery. Speak to a trusted friend.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Appraiser.
Forgives the indiscretion in the moment but then never forgets about it.
Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Appraiser.
Learn to process feelings of hurt and betrayal as they occur, in order to let them go and move on from past hurts.

To make the Appraiser De Esteemed™: Attack dependability, Attack doing good, Attack respectability. Start with:"You are unhelpful".
The Appraiser's De Esteem™ Reaction: Will use strong words defending themselves and wait for the storm to pass when the other side runs out of puff.

R. Kive's Moniker™: The Archdeacon of Coaching and Nurturing™


7. Can it be the Promoter - ENFP?

The Promoter is the Golden Retriever

Ellen DeGeneres

When you lock horns: When you cannot stifle your feelings any longer.
When you do not lock horns: Most of the time, you let things roll.
Fight style: Emotion, belief.

The Promoter is the most difficult to deal with and the easiest to lock horns with as they do not like being held to account. Ever.

Overview: The Promoter is quick-thinking and able to see all possibilities making them almost unbeatable in a conflict.

Bedrock Principles: Promoters lead organisations through cycles of change by engaging the people around them by their own personal charm, helping organisations to embrace the new ways of accomplishing objectives.

Approach: Promoters are passionate and typically have no problem arguing for the rights of others, a cause believed in or a specific course of action. They are the first to stand up in defense of their values, but often the last to stand up for themselves. The Promoter will frequently shut down when someone hits a raw nerve in conflict, an insecurity or a heartbreak and they often immediately lock out those who may actually want to talk it out. They should work on letting others see their vulnerable side sometimes. They can calmly say, "This hurt, here’s why." Promoters often think others will not understand or fully accept but they have to give them the chance.

Horn Locker™: Promoters find themselves at the heart of most organisations. They are often in human relations departments and have the ear of senior executive teams. They can be seen leading the latest organisational initiative. They have an affinity with their own ideas and will defend the ideas that they have generated. Promoters often have difficulty staying engaged in projects through completion, often changing initiatives or jobs. They must be managed closely to ensure things actually get completed. Promoters are most successful at getting organisations to see a vision and to engage in change management during the early stages but do not rely on the Promoter to be there at the end. Promoters do not like being held to account, be micro-managed or stifled by bureaucracy or external rules and structures.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Predictability.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Clashing values.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek clarification; work it through; focus on the present; concern primarily with the input of the participants; satisfied once the conflict is being addressed. Assertive, most likely collaborative. Seeks to have ideas and feelings understood.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: Who is involved – the people; needs and values; accepting and appreciating differences (sometimes); tactful delivery when addressing conflict – concern about the impact on others; Ensuring that there is give and take in resolving the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Fantasy: Disconnecting from reality into a world of escapism, when life does not go as they would like. Can become delusional. e.g. "The economic theory of supply and demand just does not work." "We don't curate to subtract choice, we curate to create room for focus."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Spend time alone - music, nature. Speak to a trusted friend who will not pressure you.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Promoter.
Attempts to look at things from the other person’s point of view and, if it is not what the Promoter would do which is why the Promoter is angry, shames, sometimes with vitriol, the other person for their way of handling the situation.
Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Promoter.
Ask the other person to explain their side of the situation and try to understand the intent behind their actions.

To make the Promoter De Esteemed™: Attack empathy, Attack benevolence, Attack authenticity. Micromanage. Marginalise or pick on someone. Have everything settled and decided. Advise: “It is what it is.” - the Promoter is an overthinker which puts them in a bad mood. Tell a Promoter who they are. Tell a Promoter what to do - this will end friendships. Question their motives. Tell the Promoter their ideas are stupid (which they often are). Mess with the Prompters held values. Start with:"You are boring".
The Promoter's De Esteem™ Reaction: Brings out an evil reaction and an "I am right" attitude in an environment of suspension of facts without any respect for alternate views.

R. Kive's Moniker™: The Archdeacon of The Short Attention Span and Inspiring™


8. Can it be the Counselor - ESFP

The Counselor is the Poodle

Sir Richard Starkey (Ringo Starr)

When you lock horns: When someone disagrees with your values.
When you do not lock horns: When you want to preserve a relationship with someone close.
Fight style: Insistent.

Overview: The Counselor is a friendly type that is full of common sense. A good mediator in a conflict.

Bedrock Principles: Counselor focus on getting things done through teams. They are generally 'can do' and upbeat and contribute positive energy to a team.

Approach: The Counselor often deals with conflict from a very emotional place, but typically buries their true feelings immediately when they are hurt as a form of self-protection, only to bring up these old wounds when someone wants to thrash out something entirely different. They cannot deal with the conflict at hand if they are dealing with an unrelated conflict from the past, so it’s important to work on calmly relaying feelings straight away. Needs to trust that those who are close will listen and understand.

Horn Locker™: Counselors are often individual contributors and rarely have conflict with others. They are diplomatic, fun-loving and supportive of people in their organisations.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Isolation.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Rigidity.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek clarification; work it through; focus on the present; concern primarily with the input of the participants; satisfied once the conflict is being addressed. Collaborative or compromising. Seeks to be heard.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: Who is involved – the people; needs and values; accepting and appreciating differences (sometimes); tactful delivery when addressing conflict – concern about the impact on others; Ensuring that there is give and take in resolving the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Acting Out: A sudden deviation from impulse control and adherence to acceptable behaviour - social recklessness and defiance. e.g. "Let's get some booze, drugs and nurses around for the weekend."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Speak to a trusted friend. Change of scenery, music, hug.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Counselor.
Yells, cries and makes a scene – and then de-escalates quickly and apologises.
Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Counselor.
Take a moment to consider how they ought to best communicate their point of view – and then calmly let the opposing party know that their feelings have been hurt.

To make the Counselor De Esteemed™: Attack their artistic side, Attack the audaciousness, Attack adaptability. Start with:"You are useless".
The Counselor's De Esteem™ Reaction: Exchanges insults. Shrugs it off. Goes shopping.

R. Kive's Moniker™: The Archdeacon of Fun Times and Befriending™


9. Can it be the Specialist - ISFP

The Specialist is the Saint Bernard

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

When you lock horns: For others, for your values.
When you do not lock horns: If it just comes down to preferences in a given situation.
Fight style: Appeal to others' emotions or values.

Overview: The Specialist is a sensitive type who dislikes disagreements and conflict and will not want to force their opinions onto others.

Bedrock Principles: Specialists are guided by an internal set of principles and values that are more important to them than the external day-to-day world.

Horn Locker™: Specialists tend to be individual contributors and rarely have organisational conflict. They are generally well-liked and have a defined role that they accomplish well but they hate change especially if it is sudden.

Approach: The Specialist is pretty easy-going and quick to follow the lead of others in working towards a goal; they are unlikely to engage in work-related conflicts,but do often feel upset in personal relationships. They hate fighting. They want to feel seen without it, like they do for others. So, they bury their own hurt allowing that pain to grow deeper and more profound. Often struggle to express themselves clearly, choosing instead to rely on actions; they will do anything for someone close, but will simply withdraw when they do not feel the care they need in return. Conflict should not always be avoided; sometimes, hashing it out openly is like ripping off a band-aid. One quick sting, but it will be over quickly and it's on to the path to healing. Should work on setting aside time to get feelings across clearly. Those who are close want to know.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Conformity.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Ignoring the real you.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek clarification; work it through; focus on the present; concern primarily with the input of the participants; satisfied once the conflict is being addressed. Compromising, accommodating, or avoidant. Seeks to understand others’ feelings.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: Who is involved – the people; needs and values; accepting and appreciating differences (sometimes); tactful delivery when addressing conflict – concern about the impact on others; Ensuring that there is give and take in resolving the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Social Comparison: When the ego has been damaged by some form of misfortune, you compare your plight to that of someone worse off than you to feel better. e.g. "I'm not as big as a sumo wrestler." [When attempting to lose weight and failing to do so].

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Get away from pressures of life. Speak to a trusted friend after calming down.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Specialist.
Holds in their anger and avoids the person they are mad at, possibly for the rest of their lives.
Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Specialist.
Explain to the opposing party why their feelings were hurt and then ask to hear their side of the situation.

To make the Specialist De Esteemed™: Attack their artistic side, Attack the audaciousness, Attack adaptability. Start with:"You do not have any talent".
The Specialist's De Esteem™ Reaction: Silence. The attacks will not alter anything immediately. May feel terrible if internal values are attacked. Will move away, very upset. "That awful person!"

R. Kive's Moniker™: The Archdeacon of Avoidance of Change and Decsribing™


10. Can it be the Investigator - INFJ?

The Investigator is the Greyhound

Adolf Hitler

When you lock horns: When you have been slighted or hurt too many times.
When you do not lock horns: When you are dealing with others’ heated emotions.
Fight style: Small mindedness, lack of tact.

Overview: The Investigator wants to understand people and how to get the best out of a situation so conflict is an anathema to them. However, they tend to not adapt well the slow pace and compromises of political work. Some end up leading their own revolutions.

Bedrock Principles: Investigators are perhaps the most visionary of types. They seek meaning in human relationships.

Approach: Investigators do quite well in civilised disagreements or debates, but do not like to feel like they are inciting conflict. Ever. They are so careful not to incite conflict that they sweep a lot of concerns under the carpet. They are prone to questioning whether or not they have misinterpreted something, because they want to believe the best of people. Typically only argue or disagree when someone’s story does not add up or when treated unjustly. If concerns are heard out, they are all for coming up with a good solution together, or trying to understand what happened. But the Investigator will back down if someone’s argument is more emphatic than theirs. Should stand their ground. Intuition on what is worth speaking up about is usually spot on.

Horn Locker™: Investigators do not often find themselves in conflict with other types as they avoid interactive teams. They are often physicians, clergy, professors and the like as these occupations are able to act independently. Conflict may centre around causes rather than committees, which the Investigator will always seek to avoid.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: External Conflict.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Pot stirring.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek resolution; sort it out; focus on the present and future; concern primarily with the output from or outcome of the situation; satisfied once the conflict is over. Compromising, accommodating, or avoidant. Seeks to maintain relationships.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: Who is involved – the people; needs and values; accepting and appreciating differences (sometimes); tactful delivery when addressing conflict – concern about the impact on others; Ensuring that there is give and take in resolving the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation:
Idealisation & Acting Out: Forming an inordinately high opinion of someone or something such that the qualities are perceived as being better than in actuality. This may involve focusing on the positive aspects of a situation while avoiding or downplaying the negative. Investigators set themselves up for disappointments due to unrealistic and delusional idealism and a fear of confronting painful or inconvenient truths. This leads to acting or shutting out, for which the Investigator is known. e.g. "I'll never speak to that person again."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Spend time in peaceful, quiet environment. Speak to a trusted friend or write things down.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Investigator.
If slightly angered, retreats and ices out the opposing party. If deeply angered (this is rare), will use every one of the other person’s weaknesses against them until they have completely psychologically undermined them.
Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Investigator.
Communicate openly with the person they are angry with in order to find a solution, rather than letting it reach a breaking point.

To make the Investigator De Esteemed™: Attack empathy, Attack benevolence, Attack authenticity. Start with:"You are unworthy".
The Investigator's De Esteem™ Reaction: Tactlessly defends, for example, the social justice warrior outlook and may confuse facts with beliefs. Intolerant of alternate views, may tell the attacker to 'bugger off', but then likely to move on from the event.

R. Kive's Moniker™: The Archdeacon of Independence and Valuing™


11. Can it be the Agent - INFP?

The Agent is the Tibetan Terrier

John Lennon

When you lock horns: When you have been repressing your feelings too long.
When you do not lock horns: When it’s not important or when your feelings are hurt.
Fight style: Emotional outbursts.

Overview: The Agent is the most adaptable of the patterns and will try everything to resolve conflict. They will see possibilities where others cannot.

Bedrock Principles: Agents are extremely insightful about people and share their insights with only the people they trust.

Approach: Agents are conflict avoiders. They are sensitive and empathetic, trying their best to avoid hurt and avoid inflicting pain on others. Their heart is their greatest strength. But they have to let others see the full extent of it and that means speaking up. They will handle conflict better if they take time to consider, gather exactly what they want to say and come back when things have cooled off. Articulate that need clearly to those close in order to reach more balanced resolutions.

Horn Locker™: Agent are generally very talented people in organisations and can excel in technology design and project management (although Prof. Kive has yet to experience the last one). They have outstanding technical and interpersonal skills. Because they generally have strong boundaries and personal definitions that they do not articulate to others, they often confuse the 'judging types' - Investigators, Persuaders, Enhancers, Directors, Practitioners, Appraisers, Perfectionists and Directors who do not understand how they want to be engaged. Since they have strong inner expectations, they can be desperately unhappy or offended and no one knows why. Agents can be very difficult people to manage. Once they disconnect from people and situations, they are difficult to reconnect with. There is no more insightful and able person if an Agent is engaged in what they are doing.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Unimaginativeness.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Controlling behaviour.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek clarification; work it through; focus on the present; concern primarily with the input of the participants; satisfied once the conflict is being addressed. Compromising or accommodating. Seeks to understand others’ opinions and feelings.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: Who is involved – the people; needs and values; accepting and appreciating differences (sometimes); tactful delivery when addressing conflict – concern about the impact on others; Ensuring that there is give and take in resolving the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Avoidance: Avoiding anxiety-causing or stress-inducing situations, often because of perceiving oneself as incapable of confronting a problem directly. e.g. "I got cold feet om my wedding day and ran away."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Spend time away from noise and crowds. Listen to familiar music. Speak to a trusted friend.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Agent.
Retreats to analyse the situation and determine whether or not they are overreacting. May give the silent treatment to the person they are upset with in the meantime.
Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Agent.
Before retreating, tell the person they are upset with that their feelings have been hurt and that they require some alone time to process the situation. (Elevanto comment: likely.)

To make the Agent De Esteemed™: Attack empathy, Attack benevolence, Attack authenticity. Start with:"You are not a good person".
The Agent's De Esteem™ Reaction: Actively and resolutely promotes, for example, the social justice warrior outlook without any respect for alternate views. "How dare you disagree"!!

R. Kive's Moniker™: The Archdeacon of Space Cadetship and Dreaming™


12. Can it be the Achiever - ISTP?

The Achiever is the Bassett Hound

Clint Eastwood

When you lock horns: When someone is truly out of line.
When you do not lock horns: Pretty much your typical MO.
Fight style: Direct.

Overview: The Achiever is tolerant and flexible and will use facts, not feelings, when it comes to managing conflict.

Bedrock Principles: Achievers are natural observers. When they see a problem in their general surroundings, they have already been observing it and step forward to solve it.

Approach: Achievers are great in disagreements that are logical and systematic in nature which makes them really great at resolving conflict at work and coming to appropriate solutions. However, they are very skeptical dealing with arguments with emotional bents—about romantic relationships, someone telling them their feelings were hurt, etc. because they do not trust decisions made based on emotions. While they do not have to make personal decisions emotionally, it is important to learn to listen and honour each person’s perspective, emotional or not.

Horn Locker™: Achiever have few natural enemies among other personality types in organisations. They are normally conflict averse, socially skilled and have an easy wit. Since their work style is reactive in the best sense of the word, they are natural troubleshooters and problem solvers. They run into problems with 'judging' types - Investigators, Persuaders, Enhancers, Directors, Practitioners, Appraisers, Perfectionists and Directors who require advanced planning. They do not do well in strategy meetings or long term planning roles and may become withdrawn in most types of long range planning meetings. They do not react well to hierarchies or chains of command.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Neediness.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Dishonesty.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek clarification; work it through; focus on the present; concern primarily with the input of the participants; satisfied once the conflict is being addressed. Compromising or accommodating. Seeks to move on from conflict.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: What is the conflict is about – the facts; enforce opinions and principles; analysing and tolerating differences (sometimes); succinct delivery when addressing conflict – concern for persuasive data; maintains a firm position in attempting to resolve the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Passive Aggression: Difficulty or reluctance in expressing anger directly either due to social inhibition or fear of punitive repercussions. e.g. "I’m not mad. No. You are stupid."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Get away from it all. Speak to a trusted friend who will not question your feelings.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Achiever.
Ignores the actual person they are mad at and engages in a sensory experience that takes their mind off the issue - e.g. drinking, fighting, exercising.
Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Achiever.
Find a healthy physical outlet for their anger (e.g. exercise) and then find a solution to the problem that initially angered them.

To make the Achiever De Esteemed™: Attack their artistic side, Attack the audaciousness, Attack adaptability. Start with:"You cannot figure anything out".
The Achiever's De Esteem™ Reaction: Will be passive aggressive and hold the other side to the facts. Have the attitude of 'do not mess with me'.

R. Kive's Moniker™: The Archdeacon of Work / Life Imbalance and Building™


13. Can it be the Practitioner - ISFJ?

The Practitioner is the Alaskan Malamute

Mother Teresa

When you lock horns: When you are at the very end of your long fuse.
When you do not lock horns: You would always prefer not to tell anyone.
Fight style: Quietly push back.

Overview: The Practitioner will want a harmonious environment so will do anything to resolve conflict.

Bedrock Principles: Practitioners are intensely committed to individuals and small groups with whom they have formed relationships. They are nurturing in their approach and work steadily to fulfill their needs.

Approach: The Practitioner will draw on their wealth of knowledge about others’ preferences and personalities, attempting to avoid conflict before they ever start. Most people are unaware of their behind-the-scenes mediation for friends or how they explain to those close how reactive your teenager is after a rough week. They side-stepping conflict, they shoulder too much conflict for others causing stress when the problem needs to me met head on. This is unlikely. Watch for passive aggression and procrastination. They also need to work on articulating their own feelings in arguments which is often forgotten when trying to please others.

Horn Locker™: The Practitioner may (will) clash with types that put organisational progress above people. The Practitioner may be firm allies with 'feeling' types - Agent, Promoter, Investigator, Persuader, Specialist, Counselor, Appraiser and other Practitioners who believe that rules should take people and situations into account. They may clash with the Developer, Director, Enhancer and Inspirational who are more likely to put the organisation above the individual because they believe it protects the greater good of people, even if it hurts a few people.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Inconsistent People.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Instability.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek resolution; sort it out; focus on the present and future; concern primarily with the output from, or outcome of, the situation; satisfied once the conflict is over. Compromising or accommodating. Seeks to resolve conflict and avoid offence.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: Who is involved – the people; needs and values; accepting and appreciating differences (sometimes); tactful delivery when addressing conflict – concern about the impact on others; Ensuring that there is give and take in resolving the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Reaction Formation and Undoing: Overcompensation for unwanted or unacceptable thoughts, feelings or impulses by going out their way to express the opposite of what they actually feel or want. e.g. "I love my boss and my job." [When neither is true].

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Spend time alone not worrying what others need or think. Speak to a trusted friend. Write down feelings.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Practitioner.
Holds their anger in, convincing themselves that they can just get over it, but then lets it out subtly, in passive-aggressive bouts.
Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Practitioner.
Communicate their hurt to the opposite party and brainstorm ways to avoid repeating it in the future.

New: What you should do if you are in the Practitioner's Horn Locker™.
Initially. It is difficult to be in conflict with a Practitioner. They treasure their close friends a lot but they are the most sociable of the introverted patterns - Patterns 9 - 16. Practitioners absolutely detest conflict.
Type of conflict - sincere or insincere. A Practitioner will try to diffuse the situation by not having a constructive argument but rather to propose something which can make the other parties happy instead. Lighten the mood - e.g. drinks, dinner, movie etc..
It turns to conflict. The Practitioner will analyse and see if the points made are logical and if it makes sense to their own personal judgment. Do not be at all surprised if the Practitioner 'runs away', if they feel the other party does not appreciate them, to process what has happened and ponder before contacting the other party again in an attempt to resolve the situation.
End of conflict. The Practitioner hopes like hell that the problem will have gone away and that will end it all. Do not be surprised if the Practitioner delays action to resolve conflict. This may leave issues simmering. This is unsatisfactory in many instances when timely action is what is required!!

To make the Practitioner De Esteemed™: Attack dependability, Attack doing good, Attack respectability. Start with:"You are unreliable".
The Practitioner's De Esteem™ Reaction: Gets very upset if it places the Practitioner not being seen as the expert. Might sympathise with some of the attacker's points.

R. Kive's Moniker™: The Archdeacon of Apparent Expertise and Supporting™


14. Can it be the Objective Thinker - ISTJ?

The Objective Thinker is the Bernese Mountain Dog

Warren Buffett

When you lock horns: When someone wants to change your way of doing things.
When you do not lock horns: When you are not confident about a given subject matter.
Fight style: Reactive.

Overview: The OT is practical and logical who will want to see an outcome to any conflict.

Bedrock Principles: OTs begin making sense of any situation by gathering and interpreting data. They are the 'gate keepers' of organisations. They want data to justify decisions. Past performance indicates future success. Traditions are to be respected and rules are to be kept.

Approach: The OT is typically pretty soft spoken, but are prone to arguments and conflict if someone does something they feel is irrational or is not in line with their articulated values. They need to remember that life and people are always evolving; what they have done in the past may not be a true indication of how they will act in the future and that is okay. OTs cannot always work from a model. If they disagree, work on piecing together the logic of a person’s argument. The OT is always better at handling disagreements factually rather than emotionally.

Horn Locker™: OTs tend to clash with those who are future oriented and often unimpressed with past data. These are Agent, Promoter, Investigator, Persuader, Enhancer, Developer, Perfectionist and Inspirational. These intuitive types may see the OT as an obstructionist to progress.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Unpredictable Situations.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Lots of change.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek resolution; sort it out; focus on the present and future; concern primarily with the output from, or outcome of, the situation; satisfied once the conflict is over. Compromising, accommodating or avoidant. Seeks to obtain an effective outcome but hesitant to start an argument.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: What is the conflict is about – the facts; enforce opinions and principles; analysing and tolerating differences (sometimes); succinct delivery (does not waste words) when addressing conflict – concern for persuasive data; maintains a firm position in attempting to resolve the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Repression: This defense is an subconscious or conscious attempt to forget or block out thoughts, feelings, impulses or memories that are perceived as threatening or undesirable. e.g. "No, I don’t remember it being that bad. Are you sure you’re remembering it right?"

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Balance time alone and with a trusted person. Speak to a trusted friend who is a good listener.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the OT.
Oscillates between ignoring the person they are angry with and directing subtle yet cruel and / or belittling comments their way.
Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the OT.
Ask the person they are upset with to explain their point of view – and then share their own in a non-confrontational manner.

To make the OT De Esteemed™: Attack dependability, Attack doing good, Attack respectability. Start with:"You are inconsistent".
The OT's De Esteem™ Reaction: Considers the attacks not to be very nice. Stares back and leaves.

R. Kive's Moniker™: The Archdeacon of Data and Operating™


15. Can it be the Perfectionist - INTP?

The Perfectionist is the Papillon

Albert Einstein

When you lock horns: When you think someone is incorrect.
When you do not lock horns: When you are tuned out.
Fight style: Calm, cool, matter-of-fact.

Overview: The Perfectionist will use logic and facts to solve problems but is not great dealing with people.

Bedrock Principles: Perfectionists are intellectually oriented people and like to 'get to the bottom of things'. Their mental tendency is to go to the heart of things to examine underlying detail.

Approach: The Perfectionist is calm, collected and analytical in arguments. They will state the facts and what they mean to them, clearly and poignantly. Their biggest struggle is accepting emotional arguments. Since they think decisions should be made on logic alone, they often do not want to succumb to any appeal to feelings. They need to remember that some people lead with their heart, not their head. While they might not relate, everyone is strung up differently and may even be better equipped to make decisions when it comes to interpersonal matters. When arguing a point, consider who it affects and who knows most about the repercussions. Since the Perfectionist is not always the first to empathise, it is helpful to notice those who passionately advocate for the human side of things and listen to them before making a judgment call.

Horn Locker™: The Perfectionist is able to drill down into projects, issues and situations to find those elements that do not line up with the overall plan. They can be excellent educators and writers. Perfectionist can run foul with outcome oriented types, such as the Director and the Developer, together with other types that have conflict with the Perfectionist when they feel that the Perfectionist wants to call back the train after it has left the station. Perfectionists never feel it is too late to have that post-mortem meeting or to begin at ground zero again.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Emotional Demands.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Meaningless activities.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek clarification; work it through; focus on the present; concern primarily with the input of the participants; satisfied once the conflict is being addressed. Compromising or accommodating. Seeks understanding of others’ ideas.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: What is the conflict is about – the facts; enforce opinions and principles; analysing and tolerating differences (sometimes); succinct delivery when addressing conflict – concern for persuasive data; maintains a firm position in attempting to resolve the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Intellectualisation: Devaluing the emotional aspects of a situation and sterilising it with the antiseptic of logic and reason. e.g. "Now my roommate suddenly has moved out, I'll conduct a detailed financial analysis of how much I can afford to spend now that I'm on my own."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Spend time in nature. Speak to a trusted friend.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Perfectionist.
Ignores their anger for years at a time until they eventually snap unexpectedly and spew snarky insults about the opposing party’s intelligence or lack thereof.
Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Perfectionist.
Take note of when and why they are feeling angry, rather than pushing it down, in order to avoid outbursts.

To make the Perfectionist De Esteemed™: Attack ingenuity, Attack autonomous outlook, Attack resoluteness. Start with:"You are not very smart".
The Perfectionist's De Esteem™ Reaction: Seeks understanding. May be recruited as a first follower in some sort of movement after questioning labels such as 'conscientious objector'.

R. Kive's Moniker™: The Archdeacon of Mad Science and Reasoning™


16. Can it be the Enhancer - INTJ?

The Enhancer is the Afghan Hound

Mark Zuckerberg

When you lock horns: When someone is incorrect about a subject you know well.
When you do not lock horns: When the outcome feels irrelevant.
Fight style: Proof.

Overview: The Enhancer can be quite sceptical and have high standards, so it could be hard for them to resolve conflict.

Bedrock Principles: One of the brainiest of types, Enhancers find and use abstract models to explain physical reality. They do not create concepts so much. They look for simple and elegant models and then apply them.

Approach: The Enhancer can seem like a know-it-all, but that is usually because they only air their opinions when they have taken time to think through why they hold a given belief. Strongly defensive of own point of view, but open to being persuaded if someone provides a more logical perspective. When it comes to emotional arguments, the Enhancer will struggle. They might get defensive with those close as they are acting out of hurt instead of hearing their side. If a partner articulates their needs they should not to take it as a personal attack on their love. Instead, the Enhancer should listen to how they can do better and think of it as a challenge; determining a plan and taking action is their strength.

Horn Locker™: Enhancers gather great backing in an organisation because of their intellectual ability to grasp complicated issues and to suggest elegant solutions. They tend to be the 'ivory tower type'. They may come into conflict with action types such as the Director, Results, Appraiser and Counselor who value action over intellect. The Enhancer's interest is infinite, but not their attention span. They may become suddenly disinterested in a project or initiative.

Horn Locker™ factor that exhausts and annoys: Improvisation. Unreliability of others not keeping to commitments.

Horn Locker Grima™ - fingernails on the chalkboard activity that you cannot stand: Surprises.

Horn Locker™ response in conflict situation: Seek resolution; sort it out; focus on the present and future; concern primarily with the output from, or outcome of, the situation; satisfied once the conflict is over. Compromising, accommodating or avoidant. Seeks closure but hesitant to start an argument.

Horn Locker™ perspective taken in conflict situation: What is the conflict is about – the facts; enforce opinions and principles; analysing and tolerating differences (sometimes); succinct delivery (does not waste words) when addressing conflict – concern for persuasive data; maintains a firm position in attempting to resolve the conflict.

Horn Locker™ defence mechanism exhibited in conflict situation.
Rationalisation: Unwilling to accept blame and may unconsciously reframe a problematic situation in such a way that falsely justifies their actions or underestimates their role in the conflict. e.g. "I lost my temper because of a situation that was totally outside my control. I hold the boss accountable for provoking me."

Horn Locker™ cheer up suggestion.
Get away from commotion and noise. Speak to a trusted friend. Cancel non important events.

Hissy Fit Behaviour Happening™ for the Enhancer.
Decides the person they are mad at is incompetent and ices them out. Rare to get an Enhancer angry, but if that happens the other person is probably 99% in the wrong.
Hissy Fit Behaviour Oughta Happen™ for the Enhancer.
Let the other person know that they have upset them but that they would like to hear their side of the situation and to determine a solution to the conflict.

New! What you should do if you are in the Enhancer's Horn Locker™.
Initially. It is difficult to be in conflict with an Enhancer. If they have an issue with you, they simply avoid you. Conflict over. Remember the Enhancer only requires few friends. In an office situation, an Enhancer will only speak to the 'Richard Crania' types if there is absolutely no alternative.
Type of conflict - sincere or insincere. It is not conflict if it is a debate over a topic they find interesting. If you are not making logical sense they will attempt to correct your logical flaws. This is still not a conflict. It is either a mental exercise, getting additional information or trying you correct your inaccurate information.
It turns to conflict. The other party continues to spout inaccurate information or insists on using the same flawed logic or carries on in an environment of suspension of facts. The Enhancer will avoid you, privately and permanently, labelling you "fact free". If emotional and annoying, the Enhancer will ignore you and this will continue if you still do not make sense and happily the conflict is now all yours! The Enhancer will privately be delighted. If you carry on and break an Enhancer's personal rules and standards, that is going to be near impossible to fix by trying to build up the relationship again. If you ever try to force an Enhancer, you have your boat pointed in the wrong direction. If you get an Enhancer angry, which is rare, you will an all likelihood know the reason. The Enhancer may show emotion or, more likely, will be so bitterly sarcastic that their words will make you bleed. If you are unclear, keep your cool and ask calmly.
End of conflict. Leave an Enhancer alone while you cool down. When you are calm, cool and collected talk to them about a completely different topic about what the Enhancer is doing. If logic is back in place on both sides with apologies, both parties can move on. Elizabeth Hunter™, an Enhancer, says that you may never be contacted, ever again. She has many examples of this!!

To make the Enhancer De Esteemed™: Attack ingenuity, Attack autonomous outlook, Attack resoluteness. Start with:"You are not insightful".
The Enhancer's De Esteem™ Reaction: Gives the Death Stare. Drops the attacker without any remorse or protestations of goodwill and the attacker may as well never have existed if the records are ever dug out from the R. Kives.

R. Kive's Moniker™: The Archdeacon of Self-Sufficiency and Planning™


Democrat or Republican?

What language do you speak?

The following table indicates who tends to use the language of the Democratic Party or the Republican Party. If you ever want to understand why the Idealists and Artisans do not get along with the Guardians and Rationals get them in a room and discuss the issue of solar versus nuclear power. Other than for Promoter and Objective Thinker, this list is not in any order of magnitude.


Tend Democratic Language
Tend Republican Language
7 Promoter [Idealist] [A1] Most Left Wing
14 Objective Thinker [Guardian] [A2] Most Right Wing
10 Investigator [Idealist] [A1] Left Wing
1 Director [Guardian] [A2] Right Wing
5 Persuader [Idealist] [A1] Left Wing
6 Appraiser [Guardian] [A2] Right Wing
11 Agent [Idealist] [A1] Left Wing
13 Practitioner [Guardian] [A2] Right Wing
3 Results [Artisan] [B2] Right Wing
2 Developer [Rational] [B1] Right Wing
12 Achiever [Artisan] [B2] Centre
16 Enhancer [Rational] [B1] Centre
8 Counselor [Artisan] [B2] Centre
4 Inspirational [Rational] [B1] Centre
9 Specialist [Artisan] [B2] Left Wing
15 Perfectionist [Rational] [B1] Left Wing